Friday, March 18, 2011

Revised Catch Me if You Can entry, and Spring Forward to HELP!

I hope you all wore green yesterday and avoided the many (and awkward) pinches of your peers and co-workers. I wonder if the number of sexual harassment meetings increases the day before St. Patty's Day? Hmm...


I had a ton of great feedback for the Catch Me if You Can blogfest last week, so I revised a bit. Here's the update. Let me know if it could keep an agent reading, and feel free to rip it to shreds. :)

Prep schools aren’t just for the preppy. Us poor schmo types migrate to places like Harrington Dove Academy to escape the greatest horror of our seventeen-year-old lives.
I woke to two, tone deaf voices making sounds that were parrot, monkey, and tornado siren all at once. Okay, maybe they were singing. My roommate and I had the pleasure of cheerleader suitemates, and though I try not to believe stereotypes, these girls confirmed every one I’d ever heard about pom-pom pushers. I cringed at a particularly loud warble and wondered how much booze they snuck by the resident advisor last night. Or with her help. Our RA wanted to be legal like elephants want peanuts.
By quarter past nine, the brain children next door were quiet/passed out/dead, and I rolled out of bed to pack for the holiday break. I pulled onto the highway an hour later, cursing the sprinkles that dotted my windshield. Mom hadn’t called back after last night’s fiasco, but I wasn’t surprised. She didn’t know how to check her texts without help, and forget Dad. He was hopeless when it came to cell phones.
I passed a caravan of senior citizens using the left lane for sightseeing and set the cruise control with more force than necessary, Gorilla Gluing my eyes to the road. Honestly, I didn’t trust myself not to snarl at the lead driver of what had to be a Henry Ford original.
Black clouds as thick as my trig book were marching across the sun, and I set my windshield wipers to their max setting about ten minutes later. My mother’s phantom voice sliced through my brain (‘you never see the water until you hydroplane, Katherine’), so I turned down the music, flipped my cruise off, and moved into the right lane. But I was not happy about it.
When the rain let up, I hurried to set my cruise again. It was way too dark for the middle of the day, but I didn’t care. I just wanted out of this car. Then immediately back in it. An entire month with my parents was the longest and most painful death I could imagine.
A horn blared.
Flashes of lightning lit up a bouncing shape to my left. Maybe a deer? I checked to see if anyone swerved for it, and the honking sounded again. I sat straighter, tugged at the seatbelt crossing my chest, and breathed in. But that was it.
Headlights blinded me.
Something smashed into my chest.
I screamed once.

That's it! Let me know.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my short for the Hone Your Skills blogfest on Wednesday. I have a ton of work to do on that one. The concensus was 'Confusing,' but you've given me some great ideas to make it better. Plus, it's set in Texas, and the Texas Observer's looking for some short stories. Who knows, right?

Quick return to my Bucket List. One of my items was to dye my hair, and unless it gets rescheduled again, I'm doing it TODAY! So, SO excited! I'm thinking about Alyson Hannigan red. She's done a lot of different shades, so my description doesn't narrow it down, but the picture might. We'll see what happens!

And don't forget about my Spring Forward and Help! event. I'll be out of town on Saturday, so I'll let it linger until the end of the day Sunday for your chance to win some awesome books and scrumptious chocolate just for helping those in Japan and around the Pacific.



Zan Marie said...

As I said with the first Catch Me version, the tone and voice is so right for the age of the POV character. Just lovely. I haven't gotten my entry rewritten yet, but maybe soon. ; ) Enjoy the hair and the Saturday.

Carrie said...

Loved the entry and good luck with your hair! Very exciting!

Zan Marie said...

You inspired me. I've got a Catch Me rewrite up now. ; )

Christa said...

This is great! Love Willow hair!

Monica said...

Great blog!! Found you from the A-Z Challenge, it sounds like it’s going to be so much fun (with a bit of stress thrown in) and I can’t wait to get started!! I’m now following your blog on GFC and I hope you have a chance to check out my blog.