Thanks to everyone who sent feedback on my query and first pages! Such an enormous help!
The winner of SHATTER ME by Tahereh Mafi is....
drum roll drum roll drum roll drum roll drum roll drum roll
Georgia Summers!
Georgia, shoot me an email with book preference (e-book or hardback) and your mailing addy if you prefer hardback. SHATTER ME comes out on 11/15/11.
I'm willing to give away another copy for more feedback on my first pages of SOULSCAPE, because 1) Mafi's book is to-die-for, and 2) you all are so darn smart in your critiques. Tell you what, anyone who comments on my first pages (pasted below) by end of day Monday, I'll put into a SECOND drawing. If you already commented on my first pages (not the query), you're already in.
I caught him watching every day, drawing in my soul as though he held it on a golden chain. And I held his, but only for a moment. Only until he left. He always left.
He leaned against the cafeteria door that day with fire dancing along his skin. I choked on my apple juice when the first of my classmates walked through him like he didn’t exist. Like he wasn’t lighting up the room with the soft glow surrounding him. Like he wasn’t the center of my entire universe with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, eyes glued to mine. No one noticed. No one saw him. Except me.
I’m yours.
The thought tingled in my fingertips and crawled through my blood, heating it, haunting me, until it burst into a starry night in the pit of my stomach. Breathing wasn’t an option. Not for either of us. He stumbled backward as if he’d heard my silent promise, his eyes still pulling me, freezing and melting me at the same time, until he touched two fingers to his lips. My world slowed, then stopped as golden light burst from his boots and swept around his legs, along his stomach, over his face until he was gone. I’d never thought my heart could disintegrate. I was wrong.
I bit the inside of my cheek and nudged my best friend’s foot.
“Did you see him, Nicky?”
He followed the thumb I threw over my shoulder.
“Wait! Don’t look!” I said, smashing my bangs over my eyes, embarrassed and stupidstupidstupid. “I mean, well, look, but don’t look like you’re looking.”
Look or don’t look, I told myself. He’s gone.
Nick tugged on the hoop above his eyebrow and swung his baby blues toward the door. “You mean Frat Perkinson?” He asked, losing his perfect cool as my ex sauntered into the room. “Please, please, don’t tell me you’re interested in him again, Kat.”
“Him who?” Leslie drawled as she squeezed into the seat beside Nick.
Penny stiffly took the one by me. My oldest friend pursed her lips as she glared at Nick over the top of her glasses. “You two aren’t talking about Nick’s newest conquest, are you?”
He leaned toward her as his lips twitched. “Try that again with less venom, Penny Perfect. I’m sure the big guy upstairs appreciates my thoughtful approach to free love. My selfless dedication to gender equality. My unceasing efforts to love all the little children of the world.”
I slipped from my seat as the daily fireworks exploded between my friends. But I couldn’t help Leslie calm them down. I couldn’t even calm myself, still catching my breath from the way the boy had kissed his fingertips as his eyes burned into mine. He hadn't just seen my face. He’d heard my thoughts. He’d noticed something bigger, something grander, buried within me and whispering…no, screaming words that made my insides twist and bleed and flare to life.
I’m yours, and you’re mine.
Okay. Let me have it! :)
-Marie
1 comment:
Last paragraph....I let their daily fireworks begin. I couldn't help Leslie calm them down. I couldn't even calm myself.
Losing the 'slipped from my seat.' It made me think she was slipping off her seat for some reason as I was reading. You don't need that action anyway.
I didn't understand the last sentence. It needs tweaking!
I loved the tension between these lovely souls. Hope they manage to get together!
Good luck Marie. I'm sure you'll do well!
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